Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
