I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You took a bar mat shot.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
