So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
