listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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