I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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