My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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