i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
