Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
