i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
