Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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