remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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