...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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