batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
