if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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