she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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