I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
