She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
