If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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