i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
