We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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