PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
