I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
