so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
