You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
