well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
