I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
