Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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