Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
