and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
