I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found puke in my bra..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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