And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
