She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
