I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
