You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
