so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
