you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
