You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
