Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
