I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
