He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
