He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
