Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
