yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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