i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
