I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
