I could have mohawked her pubes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
pop tarts are not kleenex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
