I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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