I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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