I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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