Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
