He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
